It’s hard to get a fair trial these days with all the clowns and quarterbacks vying for selfies.
Make
Life is full of sandwiches full of meats full of additives full of smells.
Visit
A doctor is a person we pay to explain our health to us.
Brag
A breathtaking glimpse into the world of tomorrow.
Ooze
Take a vacation from feeling good about taking a vacation.
Attempt
In one of our future realities people will play games that cause fake pain to distract themselves from all of the real pain.
Jump
A lakeside luncheon with unexpected guests, or a frolic in a mountain lake with a peeping observer who smells like tuna salad and human sweat.
Retire
If only ants could laugh, then they would be having the last laugh, but they’re too busy to laugh, especially since they can’t.
Think
Some guys are just those guys who aren’t going to get it, and then they probably won’t get it all over again, until they finally marry their mother.
Promise
In the future there will be no past. It will be merged with the present, and our historical tour guides will have gorgeous voices and also sell and administer our toiletries.
Tire
Christmas is a holiday in December that happens to people.
Stride
This episode is drunk on bad rhymes. Enter at own risk.
Want
In this episode we learn the Spanish word for car. We also witness an intensely muted heart beating openly and alone.
Incinerate
A discreet ritual between two adults. Confiscated materials set aflame. School employees need their hidden moments just like the rest of us.
Absorb
There is an end. It’s always made it easier to pretend there isn’t. But now is when we need to start stopping.
Walk
When you are lost in the jungle your preference would be to not be lost, but short of that you’d settle for a jungle pharmacy to pick up a salve for that itching in your nether region.
Police
Some things are legal, until they aren't.
Destroy
There is legend of a human who once enjoyed puberty. This is not that legend.
(A version of this story was originally published by Picador in the anthology, The Book of Men, the proceeds of which benefit Narrative4, a non-profit organization that uses story-exchanges to cultivate empathy and break barriers. )
Diet
In this country, we are drowning in false choices and sclerotic deliciousness. This week’s story mines our demise for several minutes of uproarious hijinks.
Bend
None of our stories are the same, except for the ending.