This one guy walks into a bar.
Paddle
This is a story about how the author is afraid we’ll all soon be dumb and afraid and nobody will remember how to make electricity.
Frown
Dumb stuff blurs along in shapes and sounds you reassemble in your imagination because it’s a gift your brain gave you, and because you’re bored, and secretly anxious and fed up and scared and tired and nearly deceased. Enjoy!
Fool
It’s so hard to buy things and feel like a winner when buying things makes you feel like a loser.
Survive
The new normal is still the old normal which under normal circumstances will probably end in our extinction. But think of the clearance sales!
Chill
Are we still doing this? What is this? When is tomorrow? Who ordered this pizza?
Deprive
We used to think we couldn’t wait to get a little time to be alone.
Tango
An unusual engagement announcement springboards off of speculation on butterfly coitus.
Let
People used to go to large auditoriums and crowd near each other, screaming out mists of germs while rubbing elbows and swaying against other bodies while handsome musicians sang about banal lusts.
Dunk
If you are giving a gift it is a good idea to brand it with an identifying mark in case somebody tries to steal it and later on you run into the thief in another time zone.
Grow
Mother nature doesn’t think much of you.
Trust
These days lifting oneself up by the bootstraps means performing your own medical procedures on yourself with money you had to borrow from Aunt Helen.
Roll
This is one of those cute stories where you think: Well, I guess that was cute, if you are into that sort of thing in a miniature story.
Perch
If fans could talk, they’d be all, “What’s with all the shit?”
Shine
We are all barely here for barely any longer, but that still might be a long time, like however long the dinosaurs were here, and maybe still are.
Flirt
Why do we assume that aliens will find us attractive? I don’t even find us attractive.
Stock
We can’t promise it won’t sting a little to ponder olden times when you could casually browse the bulk section of a supermarket and maybe even flirt with another human without wearing rubber gloves or having to say, “where’d you get that mask?”
Golf
Some great feelings taste great together. Some don’t. Who’s thirsty?
Lick
Trigger warning: this story gets up in your personal space.
Buy
It’s so much pressure figuring out how to spend our winnings. Good thing we’re all going to die.