Patch

This week’s story can’t be bothered. If you want this thing in your living room you’re going to have to do the heavy lifting yourself.

Trim

When you find yourself asking yourself, “what is the worst that can happen?” the answer is probably lots of terrible things.

Count

Some people go places and then things happen to them and those things are bad for them, but not necessarily bad for their predators.

Fart

All the elves are on furlough, so this is the best we could come up with, and let’s be honest, it’s a disappointment, but you’re used to that by now.

Obey

Here is a story about a depressing sounding place where a kid is asking questions and his stuffed friends are doing their best to give some sound advice.

Paddle

This is a story about how the author is afraid we’ll all soon be dumb and afraid and nobody will remember how to make electricity.

Frown

Dumb stuff blurs along in shapes and sounds you reassemble in your imagination because it’s a gift your brain gave you, and because you’re bored, and secretly anxious and fed up and scared and tired and nearly deceased. Enjoy!

Survive

The new normal is still the old normal which under normal circumstances will probably end in our extinction. But think of the clearance sales!

Let

People used to go to large auditoriums and crowd near each other, screaming out mists of germs while rubbing elbows and swaying against other bodies while handsome musicians sang about banal lusts.

Dunk

If you are giving a gift it is a good idea to brand it with an identifying mark in case somebody tries to steal it and later on you run into the thief in another time zone.