When properly medicated, Jason reads a story exactly 250 words in length followed by some rambling nonsense to help you transition away from the addictive thrill nine out of fifteen listeners experience when being read to by a grown man with the voice of a tender loving wall of sentient granite. Scroll down to listen to past episodes, or even better, subscribe via your fancy phone: iTunes, GooglePlay, TuneIn, PlayerFM. You will never be alone again. Congratulations. (Read a profile on the podcast over at LitHub.)

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Collide

A lot of things happen on an airplane despite nothing actually happening on an airplane.

Stumble

Time is like an uncomfortable canoe.

Childproof

The future is whenever.

Consent

It’s that time of year. Take care of yourself. Remember that spiritual fulfillment is in none of the places major advertisers are telling you to look. There is nothing under the tree that is going to fill your many voids. But, you do look great in that sweater and your egg nog is, once again, out of sight.

Pretend

We only have so much time and yet we mostly waste it. This podcast is also a waste of time, but under five minutes, so maybe listen while on the toilet.

Isolate

An exciting episode that may or may not be an allegory about the creative process.

List

While we do things we start to think about other things forgetting sometimes that all the time we are absolutely nothing.

Party

Are we robots? Are robots us? Are we us?

Post

Love is mostly feeling fine about mostly not feeling love in the way you mostly thought you might.

Compute

There will exist a moment when we will look to something that doesn’t exist to help us figure out if and how to exist.

Congregate

Let’s take it to the creator and ask for our money back, while also not holding our breath, because, let’s be honest, return policies these days are designed to overwhelm you until you give up. But don’t give up. You’re special. Probably.

Befriend (again)

This episode is a re-broadcast of a real emotional belch you’re just going to have to deal with. You don’t get to have ups without downs. Sir Isaac Newton probably said that in more high falutin terms. Other people probably said it too. Seems pretty obvious.

Wink

There is no point in waiting for everything to be good. Get on the dance floor. Shake it up. Barf a little in your mouth. Life is short.

Laugh

This week’s episode features sleight of hand, and a special new segment on facial expressions.

Resemble

Do you ever look in the mirror and think, I feel like I’ve seen that face before?

Heist

What is love? What is a story? Why are we here? What comes tomorrow? Why was the last season of the podcast so abbreviated? This latest episode answers none of these questions!

Repair

You are what you bring to the table, and you are alone at that table, even if there are other people at that table. They can’t help you, except for maybe being able to pass the salt.

Bill

It’s a brand new season of Grownups Are Lucky, which means absolutely nothing, because we just took the stack of story recipes, shuffled them, and then changed the shit up like we were playing drunken Madlibs. And maybe we were. Who are you to judge? You’re the one who can’t find anything better to do than to listen to this crap.

Write

When it comes to holiday cheer, this year’s season finale doesn’t mistletoe the line.